I have to be honest; I loved getting rolled out. However, rollouts have their flaws.

?

Stanford has decided to raise the stakes. Now, all students given tickets for bike hazards will be expelled upon their first infraction.

?

Love is in the air! The Lambda Theta Nu Sorority is celebrating the season by running a candy-gram program, but as it was looking through their orders, the sorority noticed something peculiar. Almost all were sent to MTL.

?

If saying “social science” gets me an odd look, saying “humanities” is like swearing. On this campus, I don’t love talking about my major prospects. I am planning on studying a combination of political science and English, but bringing that up rarely leads to pleasant conversations. I’ve spent too many nights sitting in my dorm…

?

The Fraternity and Sorority Life Division of Residential Education has found 5-SURE in violation of the Standards of Excellence, sparking disarray on the row. While many students find themselves asking how 5-SURE broke the Standards of Excellence, The Daily has gone to lengths to investigate this decision. Apparently the Standards of Excellence state that all…

?

SATIRE: Stanford students will soon be saying "yo" to "Mustang Red," after an e-mail mentioning a "Lamborghini Yellow" statue from MTL caused some laughs.

?

SATIRE: While at the counter of a local McDonalds, Jones handed the cashier her Stanford ID to pay for her burger and fries. When the cashier asked for a different card, assuming Jones had simply made a mistake, Jones went rabid.

?

As all of Stanford’s campus hypes up for the Big Game this coming weekend, Residential and Dining Enterprises (RD&E) has decided to join in on all of the fun. For Big Game weekend instead of veggie burgers or beef burgers, there will be bear meat burgers in all of the dining halls. Connie Vore, director of dining special events, seems very passionate about the project.

?

I fear that Stanford is at risk of becoming a moral credentialer. Most of the good they have been doing lately seems to be more symbolic that substantive. As a student, I have been receiving a lot of emails purveying good news, in which Stanford administrators have condemned what is wrong on campus — whether that be racist comments or sexual assault — but I have yet to see action.

?

SATIRE: “Stanford has been ignoring the words of God for too long,” religious studies professor Jessie Chriest said. “Unfortunately, this institution must pay for what it has done.”

?

SATIRE: This year the Stanford Bookstore has decided to get involved in the Halloween costume game. With an exclusive line of Sexy Stanford themed Halloween costumes, everyone can strut their stuff at Maus in true Nerd Nation fashion.

?

SATIRE: SCR has expressed concern that Shapiro may not be controversial enough to get the anarchical response they are looking for. Dinesh D’Souza came close last year, but all we got out of that was a stink bomb.

?

While Jane Stanford was instrumental in founding Stanford as a coeducational university, her commitment to gender equality had a clear limit.

?

SATIRE: A strong immune system and stable blood pressure will be just some of the requirements for students planning on taking the demanding course.

?